Shiver
by sakunade
Summary: [Chap6 is up!] Was it so bad to want the very happiness he tried to deny himself oh so many years ago? Was it bad to want it very, very badly now of all times? He should be happy for her, but she's with him...[Kataang oneshots based on Mature themes]
1. Last Night

**Author's Notes:** Here's a drabble that I wrote randomly one night that spawned this idea of a set of Older!Kataang drabbles based on the same idea. I thought it would be interesting to write so I was like "Heck, why not?". Thus this was born!

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**Last Night:**

Aang paced back and forth across the room, his mind clouded by thoughts of yesterday's events. His facial features twisted in deep thought, bending the air around him in a small swirl as a habit. It almost felt like a dream born into reality: Fire Lord Zuko held a banquet in honor of the establishment of peace that was made three years ago last night. The banquet was lively, and everyone was having a good time. Aang, who was away for a few months for meditation, returned back to the Fire Nation only a couple of days before.

Everyone toasted in his honor, and Aang quickly mentioned that it wasn't only because of him that peace was restored -- but because of all the hard work and dedication everyone gave to the project. A couple of minutes later the dances began. Katara smiled at him, her features now of a grown woman, asking him for a dance. He complied, and the two danced away on the dance floor. After their dance, the two walked towards the gardens discussing about the old days.

He wanted to tell her that he was in love with her, and that the feelings he felt for her back then when they were children was still burrowed deep within his heart. He wanted to hold her, caress her dark tresses, move a hair loopy away from her face as he softly stroked the skin under her ears, and kiss her as passionately as he could. He wanted to so much, but he knew it was inappropriate. After all, she _was_ Zuko's wife. The two married not too long ago, while Aang was in the Eastern Air Temple. He received news when he arrived back for the banquet, and was devastated to hear the news.

In front, he was happy for her, but deep down his insides twisted with jealousy and the idea of a future they could've had that was now only a distant dream. While they continued talking, Katara suddenly placed her hand on his, her eyes asking for something he knew he couldn't give.

"Do you think I'm unhappy, Aang?" She asked, her thumb slowly caressing the back of his hand.

He couldn't hide the blush. "Why would you ask me that?"

"I don't know..." she told him, taking his fingers to play along with hers. "I've been thinking about you lately."

"You shouldn't." he quickly remarked.

"I know I shouldn't, but I have."

He wanted to find some hope within her words, but he knew that it was probably her being nervous about finally settling down instead of some deep hidden feelings she may have had for him. "You just got married awhile ago, Katara. You're probably just being nervous about the situation."

She laughed, "You really think so?"

He didn't want to say it, but for some reason it slipped out without notice. "Why else would you ask me that question?"

Before he knew it, she scooted closer towards him. Her hip touching his, as her hand trailed up his arm, touching his shoulder, and then caressing his jaw line with her thumb. "I'm asking myself that question too, Aang..." she said in a low whisper.

He turned to face her, both of his hands on her shoulders. "You know you can't be like this Katara. You made a vow, and you have a duty as Fire Lady to be by Zuko's side."

It stung to say that.

Her thumb moved up, touching his bottom lip. "What about you? You made a vow, you have your duty, but I know that you still..."

She closed her eyes, and leaned in. He didn't know what to do. His heart wanted to embrace her and kiss her right then and there, but his mind told him that he shouldn't give into the moment. They both would face the consequence later on. Imagine what would happen if Zuko found out, or if Sokka found out…

Her lips were hovering above his when he whispered her name. It was hard to resist her because he's dreamt of this moment for as long as he could remember.

"Aang, my sweet and darling Aang..."

"Katara," he replied in a husky tone. "You shouldn't do this to yourself. You love Zuko, not me..."

"Oh, but I do love you Aang. I love you very much..." She placed her hands on his cheeks, and Aang allowed her to guide him closer.

"Only as a friend..." he whispered their lips only a few inches apart.

"No. It's deeper than that, and I always knew it too but I was afraid..."

Aang closed his eyes, and felt her lips against his. Later on the two escaped, entering the chamber that was provided for Aang while he was staying in the Fire Palace. He held her, kissed her in places he only dreamed on, and she showed him the world he always wanted to live in. A world where they were together, complete as one, without anyone holding them back.

The next day, he awoke to find Katara missing from his bed. He knew it would've been better for her to leave in the middle of the night so they wouldn't raise any suspect. As the day progressed he couldn't stop thinking about her, about the night they spent together, and about the confessions they made to each other. Things were going to get complicated quickly, and as much he shouldn't have thought it, he was waiting for the next moment they could be together again like that.

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(Fun fact: I was listening to "Last Night" by Diddy ft. Keyshia Cole and then I wrote this. True story!) 


	2. You Really Got A Hold On Me

_I wasn't sure whether I liked this or not, but decided to upload it. I'm so making a Katara version to this though._

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**You Really Got A Hold On Me:**

He finds his mind clouded by thoughts and images that shouldn't be there. Situations and circumstances coursing through his dreams and his thoughts that all led to the same result: Katara. Aang is unable to control all of these rampant emotions that seem to keep him up at night, ones that make it unbearable to sleep in his bed alone. He couldn't even find comfort around his own personal space, everything felt cool and bitter. The only time he feels the least bit contempt, is when he's around Katara in some form or another. They didn't have to be alone in a room together for him to feel satisfied; it could take a glance from the other side of the room or a smile that was sent his way. If he could get away with it, he'd take her into his arms and whisper words into her ear about how he thought she was beautiful, even in Fire Nation colors.

However they were both tied: both gave their own vows to separate paths of life. Hers was to be Fire Lord Zuko's wife, and his was to continue his peaceful message across all the nations and conserve it. Sometimes when he's rational he tells himself that he's happy for her. She was married and seemed very much in love with him. As much as it hurt and twisted him deep down inside, he was willing to give up his own happiness for hers.

He catches glimpses of her in the garden as he passes by the corridors of the palace, and when she's passing by on her own wearing spirits know what for whatever Zuko was planning that day. Still, the dreams and thoughts passed by each and every night. On most occasions he has the same dream every night: Katara would sneak into his room, collapse into his arms and say how much she's missed him, how much she loves him. He takes her, embracing her as tight as he could before whispering that he's missed her as well and that he's always loved her.

She looks up at him, a few tears running down her eyes as he wipes them away with his finger. She wraps her arms around his neck and leans in for a kiss. He reciprocates, and soon his lips find the nape of her neck. She places a hand on his shoulder for support, whispering her own words of desire for him...

Sooner or later they're on his bed, both naked but covered by the sheets. He's on top of her, kissing her in places he's wanted to discover for so long, and Katara running her fingers against the skin on his back as they become one.

"Aang..."

She repeats his name over and over as he removes the betrothal necklace Zuko made for her on the day of their wedding. He throws it across the room, and it lands on the floor right next to where their clothes are. His hand moves up to her face to touch her cheek, and she leans into the touch.

"I love you, Katara."

He says to her before taking her lips once again, and he swears she hears her say she loves him too. Then they'd lie in bed together, the cool air from the morning dawning upon them, and she'd look at him and say how much she misses being with him. He takes her hand, kisses the back of it, and wishes for this moment to last forever.

It's there that he wakes up, noticing his pillows on the ground and the sheets sticky with what he assumed was his own doing. He sighs heavily, and lays back against his bed thinking of the dream over and over, hoping that if he did it'd somehow become a reality.


	3. Darkness Round The Sun

_Now we head down to Kataangst. The next chapter after this one is going to be a wee bit smutty. I'd like to take the chance to thank the people who have read and reviewed this fic. It means a lot to me to know that people are enjoying this series. Also! Feel free to contribute ideas to what scenarios you'd like to see. _

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She looks at the scrap of parchment where she wrote down her vows. She repeated each line over and over until she memorized it word for word. However there was something about the deliverance of them that she couldn't help but feel weird about. 

Katara didn't sound like a woman deeply in love, a woman who was happy to know she was getting married and knowing that she would live the rest of her life with this person. Instead she sounded like a council member who was proposing an idea or a thought.

Things were happening way too fast: Zuko refused to take any wives but the other members of the Council thought it would be appropriate for him to do so. When one of them suggested Katara it all went downhill from there. After said meeting she began to notice his eyes stealing glances of her every time she passed by him. She knew he wasn't going to admit the sudden attraction he felt for her, or whatever he exactly did feel for her, so she confronted him.

He only wanted to bring some sort of alliance into the wedding, a union of two people from different nations as to establish a sort of balance. She didn't know whether she said yes because of her sense of duty, or because she was secretly feeling some sort of feelings for the Fire Lord.

Katara's gaze turns to the mirror, the one Zuko gave to her as a wedding gift ("It belonged to my mother," he told her one night. "I think it will suit you.") And notices how the red pendant clashed with her fair dark skin. There was something so dangerous and unusual about the color reflecting on her skin that made her shiver. Her fingers rise to clasp it, feeling how cold it was. She sighs heavily before looking back at the parchment where she had written her vows.

And for some reason her mind flows back to the memories she has of Aang. She hasn't seen him for a very long time. She could still feel the warmth of his hand on hers, and she still remembers how he would smile before saying her name. Katara wonders what he would think, knowing that she was going to marry Zuko.

She wanted so very much to replace him with Aang -- to say she wanted to live with him in sickness and in health, to say that she would never leave his side and that nothing on this world could tear them apart. He was the one she wanted to kiss, the one she wanted to share her first night with.

But she couldn't and she didn't want her own selfish desires and needs come in the way of something that could help on the caliber of what Aang has done for the world. Katara always saw herself as his equal, and with this marriage they would clearly be on even terms.

So she holds back tears when she's at the temple getting married with Zuko, and when the moment comes when they're both lying on the bed, she imagines Aang's gray eyes instead of Zuko's golden ones. His touch is replaced by Aang's, and then her husband's face becomes that of the man she had grown to love without notice.


	4. Love To Burn

_Thought I'd never update this series, huh? Well for your delight, I updated with not just one chapter, but two chapters! I have successfully destroyed any innocence these two characters might have in my head. But yes, this chapter I wrote awhile back and didn't upload until now, as well as the other chapter. This one is tame-ish, and the other is more wild, in my opinion. But regardless, I hope you guys enjoy them._

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**Love To Burn**

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He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer against him. She moved a hand up to touch his cheek, her neck tilting to feel his breath tickle against her skin. They were both in a place where they wouldn't be seen, nor interrupted by preying eyes. It was getting dangerous now to meet in private like they used to. It wasn't easy for her to enter Aang's room and then come out in the late hours of the night without having to explain herself as it was before. So they found another alternative, and they decided to meet far away from the palace. There was an empty cottage, not too far from the palace that they could use to their benefits, and it was perfect. Nobody passed by this place anymore so they were able to have their fruitful encounters there.

He leans over her ear and whispers: "That color doesn't suit you at all, Katara."

He removes a hand from her waist, and softly touches the skin of her neck. "You're right, it doesn't fit me at all…" she whispers back.

His hand hovers above the betrothal necklace that Zuko made for her during their engagement. It was a pendant, carved from a red stone with the Fire Nation insignia grazed on to it with leather that was black velvet. (It was sloppy; Aang could make a much, much better one) He removes it, and tosses it to the ground. She turns around, her blue eyes locked in on his gray ones. They were both much older and they have experienced so much. Even though life took them down two different paths (hers with Zuko and his with his duty), they couldn't help but want, no, _need_ to be by each other's side again.

He caresses her face and smiles before she returns it. They were far from declarations of love and devotion, as they have confessed it every time they make love, that there really wasn't any more need to it. Love can be expressed in many different and exotic ways, and Katara loves it best when Aang doesn't say anything at all. A stolen glance, a warm embrace and the most passionate kiss was far more satisfying that hearing three words that anyone can say.

He leans in, and so does she, before both of their lips meet. Here they didn't have duty or responsibility, and that's how they wanted it. They wanted a freedom they couldn't have, so they satisfy themselves with their encounters. It was a touch, a grasp of a dream Aang & Katara both shared. Tonight, as they do many other nights, they make their dreams into realities.


	5. Endless Dreams

_This is my semi-attempt at smuttage. Enjoy!_

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**Endless Dreams**

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His fingertips move down from the valley between her breasts to her stomach, being as soft and gentle as he could when it came to touch. She feels goose bumps, and when his touch lowers to that of her most private she speaks in wants and desires: his name coming out of her lips never sounded _so_ wonderful.

He moves his hand to caress her leg, leaving kisses randomly here and there while he explored her. She clutches on to the fabric of the bed sheets to keep her from falling into some form of pure ecstasy she never felt until now. Things were different when she was intimate with Zuko. He never _touched_ her, _kissed_ her, and _felt_ her the way _Aang_ did.

She loves him, and she spoke that in many volumes before their escapades. It wasn't until recently that they decided to be bold and even though there were many times they were almost caught, she never regretted meeting him like this.

It felt _so_ right whenever he took her into his arms and kissed her, and she felt at place whenever they connected both physically and spiritually. He has, and always will have, every single part of her.

He moves, his face now hovering above hers only by mere inches before leaning in and whispering her name across the nape of her neck which now bore the betrothal necklace Aang made for her not too long ago. Whenever they were together like this, she always made sure to wear it to capture the illusion that they were free lovers only expressing their right.

His tongue runs along the side of her neck, sending more electricity throughout her body. She bites her under lip, eyes closing shut before she whispers an "I love you" to him. He, being the cute and wonderful man that he was, whispers an "I know" before taking her lips with his in a passionate kiss they often shared under the comfort and security of the moon glowing down upon them.


	6. Apologize

_When I finished this, I felt so dirty. I'm gonna go dive into a big, giant puddle of fluff now._

_Don't own, don't sue, plz._

_Hope you guys enjoy the read!_

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He tilts his head back against the wall, eyes closed and face scrunched in an expression that summed up unbearable pain. He never expected for things to turn out the way they have, and now all he had left was an aching feeling in his chest: his heart pounding faster and faster so loud against his ears that they were becoming a great annoyance to the teenage Avatar. He only just heard the news two days ago, and ever since then his food had no taste, no matter how hard he tried. All he could feel on his tongue was the bitter and cold sensation of sadness, of jealousy.

Thoughts and sayings and even conversation were all incoherent to him. He heard nothing else, thought nothing else, and spoke nothing else. His throat was too busy choking on old confessions and declarations of love and protection, which seemed so much more distant and further than before.

He blames himself the most. This was no secret, especially to those who knew him best. If he hadn't had said what he did, if he hadn't had done what he did, then maybe things would've turned out different. Was it so bad to want the very happiness he tried to deny himself oh so many years ago? Was it bad to want it very, very badly now of all times? He should be happy for her, but she's with _him_...

Perhaps, back when he first decided to let her go so she could seek her own happiness and not be burdened by his own despair, cast in his shadow forever, he was still thinking like a child. Did he really believe that Katara would not go and find someone to be with? Someone who could provide her the very things that he could (or refused to) not? Did he really expect her to stay by his side as his comrade and not persuade her own pleasures?

Was he really that stupid? If so, then why...

Why did it hurt so much?

A knock at the door disturbs him of his melancholy, and as he approached the door to open it, he tried to compose his thoughts and wanderings. He didn't want anyone to see him the way he was earlier. Reaching for the doorknob, he twisted it to the left, and then opened the door only slightly to see who was there. To his surprise, it was _her_.

She stood there, brown wavy hair styled loose and cascading down her back, with her blue eyes on him. "Aang? Can I come in?" She asked him, her face and composure calm, like always.

"Sure..." he replied, opening the door more so that she could come in. Once she entered, he closed the door behind him, and approached her, but making sure the proximity between them had a good enough distance. He couldn't stand being near her anymore because of her perfume...it was too intoxicating...

Katara kept her hands to herself, fiddling with her fingers and gazing down at them, and then back towards him, breaking her once calm and cool composure. He heard her clear her throat before speaking: "How have you been?"

_Horrible..._

"I've been fine, Katara." he replied back with no hint of sadness or regret in his voice. He learned how to hide his emotions when speaking by now, because he was so accustomed to it with matters of affairs.

She frowned. "You have?" He could see it in her eyes. She knew how he really felt. He should have known that he couldn't hide anything from her.

He turned his head, facing away from her, trying his best not to look into her eyes. "I have..." he lied.

She walked closer until she stood in front of him, her hands reaching out to comfort him but before she could he held them in his, stopping her. She looked up at him, confused. "You don't have to lie to me, Aang."

"Then why are you here?"

She sighed. "I know this isn't easy for you..."

He looked at her, and for a second he caught his gaze with hers: blue and gray looking directly at the other. He sighed and then released her hands, gently. "I'm sorry Katara."

"You don't have to be sorry, Aang. I choose this, not you. If anyone's to blame, it's me." She looked down. "I-I should've considered your feelings, and I-"

He shook his head. "No, no. Katara, no. _I_ should be apologizing." He softly smiled, and then said: "I'm the one who was stupid enough to let you go. It's all my fault."

Her eyes widened with disbelief, and then the two stood there in silence. The only sound that echoed throughout the room was the sound of their deep and heavy breathing. She unconsciously raised a hand to touch the betrothal necklace that hung around her neck: the pendant was red and the strap was a black velvety color. He watched her, and then the feelings of jealousy sprung up once more.

She looked his way, noticing his stare, and then looked away.

"All I want..." he began, breaking the silence. "...Is your **happiness**."

She didn't turn, her eyes glossy with tears, her lips trembling.

"And if I..." he choked back a couple of tears. "...if I can't be the one to bring you that happiness you deserve, then..."

She cupped her head in her hands, tears flowing down and quiet sobs penetrating whatever silence there was left. He approached her, both of his hands on her shoulders, grasping on to them tightly and lovingly. "Then you..." she managed to say in between sobs.

He bowed his head, eyes closed and lips in the form of a frown. "Then so be it." He replied with bitterness and regret.

She broke down and collapsed against him, crying and crying and wishing that things were different between them. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close against him, burying his face against her hair. "You could be happy, Katara..."

She clutched against the sleeves of his tunic, whimpering: "I could be happy, but..." She suddenly stopped and gazed up at him. He noticed her gaze, but did nothing to stop it. She moved her hands to his face, cupping his cheeks underneath her palm. He did nothing to stop it. All he could do was look, and see.

"You don't want to..." he spoke in a whisper. "It's treason."

"Why did you decide for me?" she asked him, the tears on her face drying and leaving prints. "Why?"

He grasped her hands and lowered them away from his face. "Because, I wanted you to be happy. I didn't want to keep you near me, and give you nothing in return..."

She shook her head. "I was content, Aang. I was content just being by your side. I couldn't care about anything else like marriage or --"

"You deserve someone who will, love you and have you and give you a family, a stable life. I can't give that to you."

"I could've lived without it if I--"

He shook his head. "I didn't want you to. Life's too short. You won't live forever."

She fell against him, and all he could do was hold her close. "Now you finally have someone who could give that to you. He's not that bad of a guy, Zuko. Do you not love him?"

"I...don't know."

"Then, why did you accept his proposal?"

Her lips began to tremble once more, tears pouring down. "Because...I wanted to be happy."

"And now, you're not happy?"

She shook his head. "No…" She took his hand unto hers, and then led him to run his fingers through her hair. He did so, and she relaxed under his touch. "I stopped being happy the day you let me go..."

He stopped mid-stroke, and then helped her regain her composure. She sat in front of him, removing all traces of tears that may have stubbornly stayed behind. He took her face in his hands, and looked once more into those deep blue eyes of hers that would always drown him. "I can't forgive myself for what I've done to you."

She smiled softly. "Neither can I."

"Please, forgive me...?"

She laid her own hands on top of his, and then nodded. "Only if you forgive me?"

He nodded.

She leaned in and brushed her lips against his, to which he responded by pressing his lips against hers until they found themselves on the floor in a tangled mess. He, with his arms wrapped around her, endlessly giving her kisses and her, sitting on his torso, endlessly giving him her kisses. His hands roamed down towards her legs, softly gliding his fingers against her skin as it trailed up. She moaned in between kisses, sliding her tongue inside the cavities of his mouth, tasting everything he'd eaten over the past day or two.

Katara's hands moved to his chest, as she began to unbutton his tunic. His hands moved back to her front, sliding off the blue kimono that she was wearing down to her sides. Then he carried her to his bed, and laid her as gently as he could, before placing himself above her. She smiled, and proceeded to lean in to kiss him, wrapping her legs around him so that she could move and feel him against her. He gasped and saw his face turn red a little, to which she giggled. She moved against him, brushing her most private against his, and she heard him moan in unison with hers.

She whispered his name under bitten lip. He grasped the betrothal necklace that Zuko had made for her, the trinket clicking with every move, and removed it slowly, his fingers dancing against the skin of her neck, tossing it to the side. The Fire Lord had no claim over her anymore, and he knows that she knows this. It was no dispute, it was just fact.


End file.
